sigh...

Is it possible to be too mushy?...
haiz.... I dunno... maybe I'm just too direct... I'm so sorry...

I will watch my words next time ok?.. dont be angry...
I guess the reason why I'm so quiet is because I'm scared that people might say things that hurt you...
I know... I'm not good looking or smart... but... I'm just me.. and thats all I have to give....

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.

Haha

I'm truly delighted; seriously...

...I just totally dislike.. did i say dislike? no.. detest... did i say detest? no hate... did i say hate? no.. loathe.. the name Pundit... sounds like some wierd indian vulgarity

What kind of blogger are you?

Irritating People

The backstabbing has started... the rumours are getting from bad to worse...
Arrrgh... I wish I can eradicate all those looney biatches who are talking behind my back..

mIRC is still ok.. nothing much... but the other side has already started irritating me... fine.. this time I'll break all connection with those who biatch about me...

So what if I turn straight... It doesnt affect YOU right?... shut your gap and go back to your dirthole....

P.S.
Biatch = Male version of Bitch (kindly lifted from quiksilver's dictionary)

Red?.. the last time I did it was purpple! LOLzzz

Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

xD Gunbound NighT!

Just finished playing GunBound with her... =P
It feels great.. =D

Though she was kinda quiet throughout the entire game... I jus liked playing and being there... =P
Sometimes.. for no apparant reason I will jus stone and let her win... or I will go and commit suicide... haha.. =P so dumb... lolz...

Lolz... I wasnt keeping track of the time... till I realized after the games that it was 12+ lolz... we played for 3 hours...

Actually.... I should be quite good in Gunbound... after all... my two bros are ruby wands... but... well.. I only know how to use a-sek...haha.... =P

She will be loved...
She will be loved...

COol pic Huh! lolz.... 

Like?.....

I... did it?.... or maybe I blew it... =X

Arrgh... =X I've never done this to a girl before.... I also wasnt sure what her reaction was.... =P

What possesed me to do it... I didnt even tell Timothy I liked her before... I guess I should have asked?... but... I dont fit into her type of guyz lah... I guess... I'm not witty nor good looking....

What do you do after this?.... I'm so quiet nowadays.. Partly because of my recent loss of voice... but also because I'm so scared that other people will try and do something wierd that might embarrass me or her..

I've kinda of.. never really liked a girl before?.... =P kinda feels funny....

What should I do?... I think the present was kind of corny... =P but i tot it was cute thats why I bought it... I feel like wacking myself... Maybe the present kinda scared her off?.... but... I guess she is more open then that....

Somebody tell me wad ta do...

It feels funny to have a heart that feels again... This time... it feels different... it feels..... fuzzy?... haha

Tap on my window... Knock on my door... I want to make you feel beautiful....

Christmas.........

Gues wad i goT foR ChriStmaS!!!


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

a towel.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
swell
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I jus love my life..........

Another 5 More ways to break up.. lolz.....

I'm too tired to crack my brains to try to counter the PMS entry that both Morpheus and Becks wrote....

Whatever it is... The destiny that is written in the spirit of every guy is to protect a gal... And no matter how much the gal can complain, deep down inside her, she needs someone whom she can hug, someone whom she can rely on, somenoe who will always be there for a shoulder to cry on...

I'm now down with a terrible fever.. 39 deegrees to be exact. My parents for once wouldn let me go to school... My throat hurts very badly and my eyes water every now and then...
The doctor gave me 3 days MC... But I think I'm going to try and go to school tomorrow... if is 37+ i think i still would be able to go...
I cant afford to lose so many lessons.... I cant..
Moreover I miss my frenz.. =P

K... since I've nothing better to do, I will continue to write about the other 5 ways to break up.

6) The Study Break

In this scenario, one party tells the other that he/she has to study for the upcoming examinations, thus he/she will not be able to continue going out with him. Naturally, the other party will consent to it, as most of the time, the other party will be very concern about her academic performance. However, after the study break, the latter will say that they have been apart too long... and thus, have lost all feeling and so, break.

7) The Fault Finding Break

Need me to say more? One party just finds many ways to throw insults at another, and the other party becomes very demoralized. After awhile, they will break. (Tell me who wont)
P.S. This is a VERY good way to break, if u dont mind the after effect - bitching

8) The Parenthesis Break

Trust me. Mum and dads out there. Your son or daughter might be using even YOU as an excuse to break up and thus cause the family line to stop there. ok... it goes like that -
a. My mum doesnt want me to go out with you, she says that she doesnt like you
b. My dad says that I'm to young to go out with other guys/gals
c. My parents want me to concentrate on my studies
etc...
P.S. The "mum" and "dad" are interchangeble

9) The Perverted Break

Pretend that you are out there to get his/her to go to bed with you. Usually the other party will get disgusted and thus want to break up with you. For gals, act like a whore, for guys, act like a pimp
P.S. It only works if the other party is morally intact (i.e. He/She is not out to get in bed with YOU too!)

10) The Sibling Rivalry Break

Ok... This has nothing to do with sibling rivalry, actually, its quite the opposite. I dunno how to explain. So I'll write out a conversatoin
"I think we are not getting anywhere... Somehow, I feel that my love for you is somewhat like a brother instead of a boyfriend (girlfriend)"
"(confused) huh?"
"We'll jus be brothers and sisters ok?"
"(starts to cry) What happened? Why cant we be together?"
"We'll always be together... I promise you, but we'll be kor and mei ok?"
"I... guess thats the best way out... "

Emotional huh... but this is also a type of break, like it or not...

P.S. This is highly effective, however, if you have another stead... good luck to you... lolz


Okok.. I'll write another few next time....

Oh yah.. one word of advise... For those who read my blogs, THIS IS NOT TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO BREAK UP WITH THEIR STEADS. In fact, this is just a precautionary measure to step up your romance if you realize that your stead is starting to hover away..

Oh yah.. I just got news from Morpheus that I would be grouped with Sharina and Sonia for WP! LoLz! Thats so cool.. 3 Taurans in a group... and Sharina has the same birthday as me too! lolz.. =P

I still haven bough the presents for many of my frenz yet.. =X my budget is so low..... eekz... my bank is running dry... haha

Watching Britney Spears - Everytime MTV... So sad.. About a guy who abused a gal and the gal tried to drown herself... so sad....
Why cant some guys not take advantage of gals huh.... and they complain that gals are becoming more "independant" nowadays... how not to?

I promise that if I ever love another gal... I will never hurt her...... I promise, from the bottom of my heart....

God only takes in THE BEST

God saw that you were tired, and a cure was not to be.

So he put his arms around you, and whispered “Come To Me.”

With tearful eyes we watched you,
And saw youe pass away.
Althogh we love you dearly,
We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

Author Unknown.

more stuff...

I CANT BELEIVE I WOKE UP LATE!!
Would you believe it... The alarm clock's battery dropped out in the middle of the night... yes. Just like that -_-" Damm Stupid lor!!

Arrgh.....

Hmmz... now I have alot of time to do alot of things.... All the way untill 11:00... which is when I go to school for the NEXT lesson... ARRGH!!! I missed one of my favourite lessons....

Anywayz... I'm going to write more about the chalet...

It was a surprise to some people that I did not hang around much with YoYo and that group of frenz... But the reason is kind of simple... Many people just did not feel comfortable around them... guess is their very ladylike actions... hmm...

I got to know a few more people much better... 1 of them would be farhan aka BaJero, another of them would be my didi Seth aka Hiro and Jake aka Pido... =P
Learnt alot of things.... and well... yah... i did enjoy myself at the bungalow... but it was not like what i imagined it to be... lolz...
Guess my expectation can be kinda high sometimes... lolz

Bleahz*
I dont feel like writing liaw....

I STILL CANT BELIEVE I'M LATE!!

The AJ Chalet

Its one of the big annual-or-so AJ chalets held by a union of a few channels, namely #AJ, #Myplace, #YouthEvolution, #Menzone and #AJ-Tong...

I wont bother to name the people who went to the chalet.. I cant count.... The organizer booked like the biggest bungalow-chalet in the whole of Aloha Loyang.... Which is... I think ALOT of money... I'm not sure....

But yah... AJs will alwayz be AJs... I went there early -_-" I cant believe I actually reach there at 3:00... They said they will be meeting at 3... but well.. the organizers finally reached at 5:30... 2 1/2 hours late... cool rite?... So I like waited at Downtown East arcade playing a disgustable version of Para till 5:00....

I knew at least 60% of the people there.... and by the end of the second night, the chalet was packed to the brimming brim... Considering that they needed 1/2 the bungalow to make way for the makeshift stage...

Lolz... my didi Hiro was like one of the cutest guyz in the Chalet... I think the first one was Xiao Hao... I'm not sure le.... haha... =P
This is the first time I'm meeting my online didi Hiro... =P
I wont bother to describe.... hahahaha

Hiro

(Cute Pts+ Handsome Pts + Cool Pts)/(Age)

+

(Fashion Sense x Boyishness)/(Personality)

x

10

= 84 pts

haha... =P my own personal formula...

So stupid... I wanted to take photos.. but everybody is like camara shy... and my hp camara was like having PMS... I could take pictures... but it is very VERY blur... dunno why...

arrgh..

Hmm... The cabaret drag show was very very funny... I think Kumar (the phamous MediaCorp dragee) might have enjoyed it... All the performers and comedians were like super hilariously funny... but ExTreMELy Chio... I went to peek at what they did backstage and I was like *WOW* they have possibly 10 times more makeup stuff then Shu Imaru, Lo`real and Nivea put together....
Wellness (nick) was there, the super pro drag artiste... she (he) was very very nice to let me go into the room and see them do all the work...
I was like *OmG* and *WtH* they had all ranges of push-up bras... bra clips.. underwear... bra pads... ermz... there is alot more... I wont bother to say anymore...

When the show started, I think the whole of Aloha Loyang came to the chalet to watch.. about an additional 40+ people...
The entire living room was redecorated and lighted to become a makeshift stage... There were 2 more new drag apprentices, I think... Dada and David... but they're quite good also.... =D

Hmm... Jeff was there... but he came for awhile then left already.... he kinda couldn stand being near so many queer people.. lolz....

The amount of AJ people are like increasing rapidly, and the number of people who are coming out of the closets are countless... compared to 3 years ago... the number of people who turned up for this chalet is unimaginable... lolz

This chalet was only opened to 1 public channel , #AJ... there are 2 othe major public channels, #SGboy and #GAM... If all 3 public channels are to merge for an event... I think the police might step in... as there would be like thousands of people attending the event...

lolz...


I think I shall not write anymore....


Bleahz.. I miss my straight frenz.. lolz... but my AJ family is kinda close ta me too...
=P

I realize that I liked somebody... and SHE (yes.. she is a she) is quite close to me... I duno.. but I suddenly realized that she meant alot to me... even in the chalet.. in the midst of countless cute guyz...

bah... but I guess I dont fit into the catagary of guyz who can actually be her bf... so I'll juz keep it to myself... lolz...

Well... in the midst of plenty ( What I'm meaning here is cute guyz).. Usually the most beautiful person in your heart will stand out more...

=P

K.... done... I'll stop.. I'll stop.. or my blog will be longer then May's... =P haha... ciaoz people...

Lolz.... flawless complexion? You can imagine what the media can make one person... 

First day of SCHOOL ! ... how exciting

I'm feeling so... ugly.. haiz..... dunno why.
OK.
Its not i dunno why... but everybody around me suddenly seems to be good looking?.... or is it my standard getting lower...

Cute guyz are popping out everywhere like popcorn and the AJ community is suddenly swamped with so many good looking guyz...

Today is da first day of school... (everybody groan)
Haha... but it was kinda cool.... especially the first lesson about Digital Video and stuff... it was way cool... all the video sets, studios AND the DIRECTOR'S CHAIR!! lolz

Hmm... after that almost our entire class went to makan at Holland Village... lolz... and yes... we're still as cheerful and bubbly as ever... Timo is still as cutely contemplative, Sarah is still in her permenant holiday mood attitude, Sonia is still so quiet and giggly, May err.... hmm... she seemed to have stopped making headlines and highly sacarstic statements... LOLz... Jason still seems to have... kinda isolated himself from us.. Jawei and Aizat are still making really bohemian stuff out of thin air... (i mean the jokes... ) haha..... lolz... guess thats about it....

and I... hmm... i dont think i know what happened... lolz

but anywayz... after 2 really boring lessons of News Writing and Personal Financial Planning... I went to East Coast!

I went to meet up with my didi Willie and Rendall, and Farhan and his really cute stead, and a gothic punk... and we were having a BBQ! =P
Ok.... so why does it always have to happen that the cute guy alwayz turns up late?
So... it was somthing like this...

Me : You are NOT going to get anything cooked if you put aluminium foil on top of the fire!
Gothic Punk (GP) : Its still heat wad....
Me : Whatever lor... if you can still cook a chicken wing on an aluminum foil its not BBQ already lor...

- The cute guy walks past -

GP : Eh.. that guy damm cute rite.... haha
Me : Plueesssee lor madam... He has the word "STRAIGHT" written all over his face lor
GP : I jus looking leh... cannot ah...
Me : High right? Hormones going over -

- The cute guy walks over to me -

Cute Guy (CG) : Is this Rendall's BBQ?
Me : [Stammer] y.. yah...
GP : [Looks smug]
CG : Ermz... where is he?
Me : He went to the toilet (actually he went to coffee bean to buy a drink... but i couldn think of anything at that moment so i said he went to the toilet)
CG : Oh... haha... its ok then... who are you?
Me : I'm Kyo
GP : and I'm Morrigan
CG : ohhh! Kyo! you are the wan that accidentally kicked away Q (the galaxynet service bot) away accidentally right?

and that is how the conversation started....

omg... why do cute guyz keep banging straight flat onto my face? very de pain leh...

=X i feel so ugly.... need to go and start re-grooming again... lolz

He is chao ji cute lor... his name is Joel.... and he was like telling me that he was actually kinda fat last time... but he took on some sports.... and now he is like that ( i was so tempted to tell him that i knew some sports too ) .... and he still thinks he's fat....
omg.. he is only 60 kg, and he has full scale washboard abs lor.... flawless complexion and smooth even tan!
he IS to die for.... haha...

ok.... so first was ryker . then jeff (farhan's stead) . then ivan (the cute guy) . and now joel (the cute guy also )
4 cute guys in 4 days. and 2 of them are far more better looking then ANY mediacorp actor lor... and the other 2 can make up with their really nice personality...

sigh*

Signing off...

FUN DAY!! =P finally... after so long

Today. I'm not going to continue writing about the methods to break up... xP

I had a rather pleasent day today... AND I AM GOING TO WRITE ABOUT IT!

Ok.. here goes...
Morning. Watched Digimon. Watched Powerpuff Girls. Watched Pokemon. When for worship practice. When for skit rehearsal.

THEN... I met up with my didi, Willie at Bukit Batok MRT station... Haha.. it was the first time i was meeting this online didi. He was like so blur... and kinda cute... but he was kinda proud and haughty.. lolz.... Guess that is what people from "The" Chinese High School is like... haha.. Generalization...

And guess who came along for his birthday bbq?... Rendall, Farhan and his really really cute boyfriend... He is not ravishingly handsome or something like dat... But he is really really innocent.. and his voice is so sweet.. =p I'm not joking... when you hear him, you cant and can never bring yourself to actually scold him or something like dat (not like there is anything to scold him)... But anywayz... he is really really cute...
His voice is so innocent.. and he is kinda blur blur type too... lolz... oh yah.. he's name is Jeff... *sigh....

THEN....... xP Ivan and Wei Wei came.... They are a couple... but... It took some time before I could actually tear myself away from Ivan... HE WAS.... *sigh... really really really really really really good looking..... He might be one of the best looking AJs I've ever seen in my entire life... and the best looking AJs usually surpass that of most STRAIGHT guys... so... yah... Ahhh........ =X he is so good looking....
*sigh
1) Flawless complexion
2) Toned and fit body
3) Smart and sporty
4) Cool and fashionable
5) Proficient in both English and Chinese and... tada* Singlish!

... sigh... he's taken... so bah and bah again....

That goes to show that NP does not produce the best looking guyz.. NYP does.. lolz.. thats as far as Ivan is concerned... Rendall was crapping throughout the whole time with me... trying to liven up the entire etmostphere as everybody was like super quiet... We were wondering what would happen if we picha Willie's lobang (blow Willie's AJ cover) in front of his parents.. haha... but we didnt do it in the end...

Then guess who I met! I met a ger from Campus Crusade... ermz.. oh no... I forgot her name again... She is from NP, and is very very chatty... and quite pretty too! She played in the same band as me for the Metamorphosis camp.... Anywayz.... she-is-willie's-COUSIN! ..... I was like omg omg omg omg..... haha... XP luckily she doesnt know that I'm AJ.. lolz....
We chatted a bit... lolz.. and nothing much...

Hmm... nothing else much to say... but the cheese sausages and the crispy bbq-ed (nicely - as AJs are very good at cooking) was fantastic... lolz.. but a bit sad about the unfinished catered food... (most AJs are not extremely big eaters).... haha =P Willie was real nice... XP lent me 10 bucks to take a cab home... becoz i forgot to withdraw money...

And GUESS WAD... You guess you guess you guess.... You guess correctly already then I tell you.... =P The cabby which took me home was very new.. in fact, 2 days only.... AND... he didnt know where he was going... So... instead of taking me to TANJONG PAGAR, he brought me to ORCHARD ROAD... tHen admitted that he was lost.. and the bill? 25.90 .......... haha... Luckily... he charged me onli $10, because he said that it shouldn be like dat... quite nice lah.. but i find it hard to believe that its so expensive to get form Bukit Batok to Tanjong Pagar...
=D weee... nice dae....
Jeff ~ Sigh
Ivan ~ Sigh..... =P
these two has just reinforced my opinion that most of the better looking, better personality, nicer character guys may just come from the AJ side.... haha.... after all... the FIRST S.N.A.G. (sensitive new age guy) was an AJ... haha =P

15 Commonly Used Break Up Methods

Haha... I'm bored.. so I'm writing this... I think I'm more then qualified to... lolz...
Weeeelll... Firstly... Breakups are so common... Guy sighs... Girl cries... Guy lies... Girl dies... Guy cheats... Girl Bitch... Well.. I'm not saying that it cannot be the other way round, in fact, the situation is changing so much so that it is most likely that it is the other way round... haha (I'm not joking)

Aywayz... Here goes nothing...

1) The silent break

A long period of silence. Both parties usually content to breaking up after that. No body contact, can be done just using SMS. Both parties must consent. No bugging the other. After awhile, ta-da.. break...

2) The anti-climax break

Everybody is happy, however... a person could actually use happiness as an excuse for breaking up.. BeLieVe me. He/She just has to say, that they're happy with you... jus as a friend, and you are supposed to be stunned. ok... Cry if you must... but they're gone.. I'll elaborate on the "friend" thingy next

3) I'll be your friend break

Both parties could be having fun, happy or could be cold, and sad... Whichever more possible... Then one party will say that "ermz.. I think we're better of as friends" and then a possible evidential relation to the near past or the distant past...
(P.S. This is a very very VERY popular break up line)

4) The sobbing statement

One person cries, the other person gets worried... Starts to console him/her... After about 3-4 hours of consoling, you realize that you are the one that is making him/her cry and not his/her parents this time... You ask what did you do, and the person says some vague bleeping... and you have to accept it... because he/she must be so distraught she cant think properly

5) The break-maker (opp. of matchmaker)

Get another person to come in between both of you... Then say push blames to that person and pretend to hate that person... The other party will naturally want to defend the relationship (most of the time) and would confront that person. That is when you step in and confront your stead and tell him how much you treasure your friendships. Thus, it is enought for break ups..

haha.... I think I'll stop here today...
I didnt really go through many of these break ups... But I can tell you that though some might sound rediculous, people actually do these...

I wish that people would be more upfront sometimes and not hide behind some excuse... lolz
but who am I to say? Most of the time I'm the one who is being bullied... lolz...

CiaOz~
Signing off

LolZ... QuiZ on Whoes Perfect For me... =D

You want a sweet guy. Who'ld take you anywhere.
Like Japan!!! Wow I would like a guy like that
too:) Also he looks so cute in japanese
clothing:)

xD my old neopet... Cute?... hehe... Kacheeks RuLe 

What I Did During the Holidays

- Fought with my father

- Broke my arm

- Bought a new LCD Screen and (unbreakable) UV Shield

- Got a broken arm due to the UV shield (with a consequence of not being able to go for the SPARC camp)

- Went for metamorphosis camp

- Went for friend's chalet

- Took dominent control over the entire computerworks at home

- Met up with more #Myplace-ians (Hiro, Ivan, Mike, Alex, Edric, Pido, James... etc.. )

- Did a gigantic poster for the church which went highly unappreicated (at least now still)

- Went out with Simon and Haryanto (many many many places___)

- Learnt how to play KoF a bit (Athena, Choi, Kyo)

- Made a few more moves for Para Para

- Composed another 2 more pieces of music ("Easy Sadness" and "Went Time Stood Still")

- Played MapleStory until I'm totally SICK of it

- Started a Warrior character and trained until level 31 (FYI: To reach level 31, you would need
to press Ctrl about 250,000 times and Shift about 10,000 times)

- Got horrible marks for my examination (fall far below my worst expectations even)

- Got branded "useless" by my father

- Got branded "hero" by my brother

- Got branded "good for nothing" by my mother

- Got branded "..." by my elder brother

- Argued with Thomas over a SKIT practice

- Smuggled a pirated CD-rom through the causeway

- Finished Morrowind : The Elder Scrolls, Morrowind : Tribunal, and Morrowind : Bloodmoon (which is not supposed to be easy. coz if not for the FAQ guide, the game can approximately take over a year to play - for each)

- Found out that Clement (SPCCC) is only year 1

- Lost (almost) contact with Timothy

- Lost (partial) contact with Sarah, Sonia, Jason and all the rest of ma favourits class

- Gained (major) contact with the AJ society - again

- Gained (major) weight - a whole 2 kg! Which is a terrrible terrible TERRIBLE thing...

- Returned almost all my knowledge back to the lecturer

- Chatted with Solitude, who apparantly is a real nice guy

- Walked down from my house all the way to Orchard Road in the rain because I felt down

- Walked from Orchard Road back home because I forgot to bring my wallet

- Gaze coldly at 3 different people

- Hugged 7 people

- Cried for 1/3 of the holidays

- Suffer from depression.

Ok... guess thats what I can remember for now...

The path I chose

Seconds seemed like hours....
minutes seemed like days...
and hours seems like years...

He said he would come back... he said he would...
I looked at the playground... it was empty... I kept looking back, thinking he would return...
I set on the playground bench... and waited...

Seconds dragged to minutes...
Minutes dragged to hours...
And it started raining...

The time was 9:30 pm when it started raining...
There wasnt a shelter in sight, there wasnt a cover for me...
I kept my hope alive, lighting it with hopes that he would return for me...

I was entirely drenched, yet I still set down on the bench and waited...
He had to return, he must...
He could never leave me in the lurch..... or could he?

I never knew what was love... but all I know that the epitome of friendship is brotherhood or love...

Slowly, in the midst of the downpour, I saw him...
I thought I was sick and going delirious....
But yes... it was him...

Both of us looked at each other for a moment, and in that moment, every single thing that we did together...
The good times, and the bad, the playing and the studying took a new perspective...

In that brief moment, both me and him...

Took the other path... together...

He was drenched all over, and so was I... but how long we hugged, I do not know...
It was only 3 months, but the things I wanted to tell him was so much...
I missed him so much...

When I released the hug, I realize I was crying... and when I looked up, he was too...
Both he and I placed our friendship on the epitome... and finally my heart started to beat again...

He went away for 3 months, I waited for 6 hours....
Longing for his return... His smile, and his cheerful countenance...
His playful punches and serious thoughts....

We looked at each other and realize that we needed each other..
We had to have each other... without one, the other cant live as well...

Every moment, everytime....

For now, forever....

As I flipped throught the pages of my life, I realized that this isnt another paragraph, this isnt just another chapter.... This was the prologue, of what I am today...

I needed love...
The path I chose, the path I walk...
Many people condamn me,
Many people mock me...

But until the day they put themselves in my shoes
Until the day they become me...
Then will they have the right to say that this is not love
Then will they have the right to say that this is from the devil
Then will they have the right to say that... I should not have chosen, this path...

Andrew

Sad... I'm such a failure.......

It took me some time to realize that I'm below average in class...... What is going on... haiz.... Most of the people I know did much better then me...

... Should I study next time?... What went wrong... what went wrong???? Why isnt a person rewarded for the effort that he puts in...

My father hit me... wanna know why? Its because he thinks that I'm useless... Yes.. U-S-E-L-E-S-S...
I did not retaliate because it was against my moral ethics to strike at my father who did give me a bit of money to grow up... So I resisted and the entire ultraviolet shield smashed to pieces and I would have died if I did not use my hand to block it... Fracture, dislocation?... whatever...

I was born the most useless in the family and it looks like I will remain to be... I dont even dare show my parents my results....

I couldn even ace half of the subjects... When my bros ace everything as if they set the papers themselves...

Haiz...

I didnt want to wear a cast, because if I wore a cast, people will ask about my what happened, and inevitably, the truth will come out... My father's reputation is too important to be smeared....

But... What should the most useless person in the family do?... I wish I could do something to make my parents proud... haiz...
My parents actually told my younger bro this (when I was playing the computer) :" If you continue not studying and rotting, you will end up like him."

Tell me how can I not feel hurt....

None of my achievements went recognize... Everything paled in comparison to the acadamic excellenct that my brothers acheived... Being the chairperson, obtaining gold, getting top 5 in the school... none of that mattered...

Looking back... I realize that my life has been a futile chase to be a person that I cannot be... To live a future that I cannot live... I've resigned from my dreams....
I.. have not even lived up to my own expectations, much less my parents... I've failed my family, friends, parents and myself...

One day, when I die... There will always and only be one regret that I will make... and that is, I never got to be the person I wanted to be....

I wish..... yeah... thats all... I only can wish...


sigh...

H a i z........ sigh...

sigh........

H a i z........ sigh...

sigh........

Sad..... haiz..... my efforts all seem wasted 

I cant believe what I'm seeing...........

I got... 3 As... 3 Bs... and 1 terrible C...
What went wrong... I do not know....... I did study extremely hard for the exam... and I put in my every inch of effort into it....
I studied extremely extremely hard....... what happened.....
I studied even harder then what I studied for O levels.....

I am so discouraged.... sobz........

I wish I did not have to see my results... I did not even get a distinction.... not even 1... I expected I might be able to clinch a distinction for OC or maybe DTP.... but nooo..... NOT EVEN 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sobz.... I give up.... all my studies are futile... I worked so hard and this is wad I get... Fate is playing mean tricks on me...

I thought I could live up to my expectations.... never did I ended up failing myself so badly....
I thought polytechnic lied to glimmer of hope... never did I thought this day would come...

I worked so hard!!!!!!! I WORKED VERY VERY HARD!!!!!!!

It just does not make sense.... shouldn results equivilate to the amount of work done?

I really feel damm useless now....

I only got 3 As....... that is so pathatic.... I didnt even get 1 distinction... thats so useless....

I put in my every ounce of effort and that is what i get... does that mean that as much effort as I put in this is what I will get?......

I cant put in anymore effort already... or I will really go insane....
If this is what I will be getting in poly... I give up....

I give up............

The Cross Room

The young man was at the end of his rope. Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer.

"Lord, I can't go on," he said. "I have too heavy a cross to bear."

The Lord replied, "My son, if you can't bear its weight, just place your cross inside this room. Then, pick out any cross you wish."

The man was filled with relief. "Thank you, Lord," he sighed, and he did as he was told. Walking through room, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not even visible.

Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall. "I'd like that one, Lord," he whispered.

And the Lord replied, "My son, that is the cross you just brought in."

Author Unknown

Another update......... =P

Cant go for SPARC camp.... now staying at home and rotting again... haiz...

The reason why I cannot go is becoz my arm is broken... =X
The reason why my arm is broken... is.... well... becoz I fought with my father..... ermz.. stupid rite.. -_-"

Haiz... now my hand is in a cast for a week and need painful arm guards... I also dunno how i managed to end up this way... jus blocking from the things he threw at me...
Used to it liaw... nvm..

Didnt blog for so long... Recently went for the Metamophosis Camp.. Really good... miss alot of the people there and the things we did... Made alot alot of frenz whom I really miss... Got alot of encouragement cards and was appreciated by alot of people... But most importantly, I got a deeper insight into the love that God had for each and everyone of us, and why we must fufil the Crusade for Christ, which is the mission he placed in our hearts in the first place...

So many times I fall into traps of sin... and so many times i delibrately walked into it.... But God has never forsaken me, and given me alot of things that I never deserved...
Prayer does work, no joke, and it does things that mortals cant really do it...

Timothy did alot in the camp as well, both of us really threw ourselves into the camp, but God really worked wonders, and gave us time to spend time with Him alone, talking and spending time in His Word...

There is one statement that I will always remember, that a speaker spoke during the camp, and that is : "Christians try their best not to lie, they just go to Church and do it." I never thought of it that way... But sometimes I feel its so true... Can I really love God with all I am?.... It seems so difficult at time, because I have failed Him over and over again...

I dunno how God could actually love a person who has failed Him so many times... if not for Jesus... I think I would long be in despair by now...

Well.. now playing maplestory... i think when i reach level 30 i will be a Spearman.... i think its cool.. but also dunno... lolz

oohh........ snaill... BLUuuu snail.... 

Sianz Sianz day... Sianz Sianz event...

So sianz.... I played maplestory the whole day today... gained 2 levels... finally reached level 25...
=X

So guess what i'm using now?

You guess! You guess! You guess! You guess correctly already then I tell you

now wearing an oversized helmet and a shiny crusader suite, carrying a mop... isnt that like so cool? Huh

Recently I quarreled with my friend... ... haiz.. nvm... dont talk about it.... I dunno why he would turn his back on me suddenly...

Love triangle?... =X my heart is torn into 2..... so wierd... i feel wanted yet unwanted... i feel loved and yet hated...
arrgh.... this is.. terrible...

Haiz... really need somebody to hug now...

Mood : Contemplative... under partial mood paralysis...

- Exams over... but...

Read Sonia's blog.... Guess I'm feeling kinda what she's feeling also... glum, bored and lonely...
Nobody to talk to even though there are so many people around me....

I lost contact with so many people.. in the process of gaining so many people.... I miss them all... Haryanto... Simon...
Haiz...

Now I'm rotting at home playing Maplestory... Quite fun... but does not help me in any way... My sythesizer is spoilt and i'm not used to the piano... Alot of my friends are having O levels now... I'm so bored I could cry...

Loretta messaged the class to help out at the musical... I seem to be an exception to be left out.... Nobody updates me on the events that are happening around... All I have left is my demi-self in mIRC.... The fire in my soul has burnt out... The light in my heart has dimmed... I'm now left with nothing...

I jus found out that one of my juniors, Ivan is an AJ also.. should I be happy?... I'm not very sure... I've given up on alot of things, and I have not been doing alot of things to improve myself as well... Sure as it is... I seem to be rotting away... Right now, I'm typing my blog because I'm bored stiff for playing Maplestory for 6 hours in a row...

I wish I could be useful in somehow instead of being a pest and feeding off my parents money.. haiz...

Anywayz... I'm going off for the metamophosis Worship Practice rehearsal liaw... Maplestory is under renovation also... All those maplers out there add me at Kyo87...

Mood : Lonely. Eccentric. Heartbroken.

MAPLE STORY!!! LETS GO MAPL-InG 

HoLidAys!

Exams are totally over!! yeah...

Stress are finally over... Wished there wasnt so much depression during the period though...
I really put alot of people through hard times... So its sorry from me to all of you who helped me pull through this period...

FOM was kinda wierd... there wasnt much to remember in theory, but there was alot of applications to do... So it was rather ok for me... Lolz..

The holidays are going to be a killer for me again... There are lots and lots of me to do... and everyday people are "booking" me for things to do....
Well.. better then doing nothing and stuck at home "maple-ling" rite... lolz

Yawnz.. now playing this stupid game called maple story... Kinda fun.. but can get a bit boring when you see the same kinda monsters all the time... and the levels are so difficult to increase..

My Kor and Will broke up.. i really wonder why...... haiz...

I LOVE MY KOR!!! haha... =X

Well... not for me to say...

Hmmm..... Campus crusade is going to be rather active this month... hmm... stress.. lolz...
But I'm sure God will reward...

Back to maple land... =X

This is not really like me lah... For those who know me better...

THE TAURUS MAN - An excerpt from a website


A quiet simple man who can do something unexpected to shock you. Taurus man
mostly medium tall, strong with good health, good strong body. When he
talks, he likes to turn his head to one side on one direction. His body will
be quite straight, facial structure tend to be square shape more than other
shape. His eyes sparkle with liveliness.

Even when he is in love, he is still a free wild bird. He is a sand in your
palm, the more you want to hold it, it will slip out. If you stand and hold
it still, it will stay that way. Don't set the rules and draw a line for
him, he will not stay.

When you are with him, he will think only of you. But an hour later he could
change his mind. He is very patient with other people, but very impatient
with himself. His world always turning and it will not stop just because he
loves you. If he up sets, he will show it right away. If something has gone
wrong, he will blame his own carelessness instead of blaming other people.

He sincere to his friends even to some friends he does not like. He likes to
do odd things and surprise other people. He could be fully dress in a nice
suit and jump in the pool. He could slap your back so hard just to make you
turn around to see he has flowers in his hand. He never want to get too
close with anyone for he thinks living in reality is living by yourself.

He does not care what people think when he behave weird. He could be walking
bare feet and laughing at people who laugh at him and think they are so
narrow minded. He does not likes to follow conformity, but always want to
search for new ventures, new mystery. He will interest in a life of a
millionaire as much as a life of an old man selling newspaper on a sidewalk
vendor.

He like to search and analyze people and things. He will analyze his friends
or his girl friend, and once the mystery is gone, he will search for new
puzzle to solve. He can not easily understand thing, so he will gradually
learning about you till he fills up all his questions.

He knows so many people ,but he has a few friends. He looks for quality
friends than quantity friends. He will be close with some friends shortly
and move on. He always feel lonely even surround by many people. He could
create his own little world, and sometimes no one would understand him. He
looks only for future and he thinks he lives for the future. He may wonder
how many people think like he does, but he does not want to be like the
others.

A man with a conflict personality. He is a cool, understanding, able to work
well, and very artistic. Taurus man could be an artist. He could shock you
as much as he is able to clam you down when you up set. He is a free spirit
who likes venture, but when he wants to be alone, do not touch him but to
let him be. He won't disappear from the crowds too long, he will be back.

He will give you straight forward opinion or comments, but will never advice
what he thinks you should do. He does not like people to tell him what he
should do too. He thinks each individual dreams and thoughts should be very
private. He will use his brain not his body strength, so he will let other
guys compete. He has a certain satisfactory in life and hate to force
himself in competition. He may seems careless, but actually he is a thinker
and a stubborn one.

He sees anythings in details and not easily trusted people till he thinks he
knows them well. You can just smile and he will think why and what are you
smiling about, and if you are pretending. Once he trust you and accept you
as a friend, no one can says other wise to change that for he will not
listen to gossip. He will be honest and sincere to his friends.

He hates lies, so he will not tell you lies. If he finds it is necessary to
lie, he will find other ways not to tell you or avoid telling you anything.
If he really has to lie, you will never be able to tell that he is lying. He
can really keep secrets, so you will hardly know that he is a lonely soul.

If you want this kind of guy, you have to be an interesting person. He has
to be curious about you. Hell for him is "No Freedom", so if he marry you
then you should know it is the biggest decision in his life. Always be
interesting, then you could have him beside you.

My role, my duty.... Where is my rose?... I only see thorns...

"A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully, and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom and also the thorns. And he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?" Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and before it was ready to bloom, it died. "

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential. Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them.
One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns and find the rose within others. This is the characteristic of love, to look at a person, and knowing his faults, recognize the nobility in his soul, and help him realize that he can overcome his faults.
If we show him the rose, he will conquer the thorns. Then will he blossom, blooming forth thirty, sixty, a hundred fold as it is given to him.
Our duty in this world is to help others by showing them their roses and not their thorns. Only then can we achieve the love we should feel for each other; only then can we bloom in our own garden.

Adapted from : Chicken Soup for the Soul

Something I must learn.....

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as they would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.Y

esterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a gift:

that's why we call it The Present

Book Author : Nancy Sims

Moving Further Away

The projects had taken a severe toll on me...

I'm no longer who I used to be.... I'm merely a shadow of my former self now...

I tried... I did try my best in my work... but.. at what price...

I've made people irritated at me... I've made some dislike me even... I strained my friendship with my best friend so severely.... oh God... help me..

I just cant help but wonder why... my envy and jealousy is so strong... it's... killing me... I dont want to be just an average person... why must I fall into the average categary...
I... want... to.. shine....

I want to be a role model, a person that people can look up to, a person who has many friends, a person who can comfort people knowing that people can comfort him if he is down..

I want to be the winner, a person that people will marvel upon his achivements, and at his final hour, turn back, and know that his life is not wasted...

I want to be the friend, the comforter whom people can rely on, the loyal whom people can trust, and the optimist, whom people will look forward to...

I want to be me... The unique person whom people will always remember, who impacts the lives of people and is treasured...

Why cant I be that? I dont need to be smart, I dont need to be intelligent... But I want something that people can praise me about... I want something that I can confidently tell others that it is from my uniqueness....

Does God make everybody equal?... I really dont think so... but then... why must He shape my life with a rusty knife on a jagged rock?....

I just coughed some blood... I think I'm going to die...

I dont want to lose my best friend... I dont want to lose my friends...

Thrown down from the high pedestal, I've fallen a long way... My heart hurts alot...
In my entire life, almost everybody I looked up too is older then me somehow...

But I've never ever looked up more to anybody else then to Timothy in this life... And everytime I look upon his achivement.. a mix feeling rises... A feeling of intense pride, intense jealousy, intense envy and intense helplessnes...

His life is so perfect... God loves him...
My life is a miserable slum... Does God love me?....

I'm going insane... I'm already suffering from major depression.... I dunno how long I will stay down... but the pain is beyond description...
I'd rather be stabbed hundred times then to endure constant self loathing and self degradation...

My words hurt me more then my actions... I'm so afraid that one day I might take the plunge...

I'm so useless... I'm so so useless...

All I have is my experiance on the streets... and even that took a price...

I've never felt such pain so consistantly... But I refuse to take any anti-depression pills already... it does not help anyway...

I got 75 for DTP - Big deal
I got 100 for DTP - Big deal

I got 74 for CC - Big deal
I got 55 for ICP - I could just go and die...
I got 79 for CD - Big deal
I got 87 for OC - Small deal

I completed my grade 8 examination - I can go and tear up my examination certificate...

I lost in every single thing in comparison to Timothy... except a few meagre marks in OC... tell me how I can not be jealous...

Our friendship grows strained... My heart aches and my mind is weary... What does it take to become like you...

You over came the biggest obstacle that I ever faced... and you achieved what I wanted to achieve...

My life seems more and more worthless....

God... please help me... please please please help me.... sobz... I really need you now... I deceived myself thinking I can be happy just acting as though I'm happy... but deep down i'm really really broken....
sobz...... save my friendship... save me..... please.....

I'd rather.....

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else

I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself

I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart....

Hmmm completed the front... 

My back page... even though i put in so much effort... i still think its very very very horrible... sobz sobz sobz 

Next advertisment... 

ok.. this is just plain stupid.. but.. well... its an idea.. jus dunno if i should use this wan... 

I dunno whether this ad is nice... I created it partially, the box, falling diamonds, logo and the jar... nice?
 

My 2nd idea... looks abit scientific like dat... not sure if can or not... but at least it has a dangerous element in it now... 

Dragons!!! =P

Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and Familly are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apoligize later!


What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm =P boyfriend? lolz

You are the most important person in his life. He
would do anything to see you smile. Actually,
he would be the PERFECT boyfriend. Always
getting lost in your eyes, always treating you
like a princes and always saying a joke to make
you laugh your head off while he smiles at your
hysteric laughter. Yup, he is the person you
were destined to fall in love with.


What kind of boyfriend would you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm purple? ooh

You are purple. What a romantic person you are.
You're sentimental and forward-looking (those
are opposites.). You're a sophisticated and
refined--with a refind taste for chocolates and
wine (yum...). Tempermental and moody, you let
people know when you're angry. But other
times, you just sit and sulk. Alone. When
around people, you're a generous person, with
insatiable needs. You're a starving artist,
basically. You're enjoy getting into debates
over politics and religion with people of the
same intelligence of you. But you know they
can never convince you otherwise, you stubborn
person, you. As a unique person you are (not
to mention just a tad bit eccentric...), you're
well-liked by either a few people, or too many
people...


What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

depression.....

I'm suffering from depression.... its true....
I thought that it was just a joke... untill Sabby told us how a depressed person acts, and the situation leading up to it...

I feel so lonely.... nobody cares about me... my heart has been shattered severely 3 times in 6 months... why do I fall in love so easily... why am I not like a normal person...

So painful... sob...
Go ahead.. laugh at a person who has depression... I know I'm useless.. the whole world is talking behind my back.... I'm stupid... I cant do anything properly...

My life is a tortured and twisted story... of a person trying to find acceptance.. to seek attention.. and to find love......
My heart hurts so badly... I wish I could die...
My head hurts so badly... I think I'm going to die...

Life is so cruel to me...........

My book My book!! ... this is the second completed cover... 

We are blessed =)

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million people who will not survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people around the world.

If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, or torture of death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish some place, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive, you are very rare, even in Asia.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority of us can, but most do not.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.

When you compare our day to day problems with bigger problems around the world our troubles may not seem so large.

We are all truly blessed!

Me?... so true...

You are the Pilot

haiz..... so true...

Sobz... ability... or curse...

I wish I did not have this strange ability... Now I realize how mutants feel...
My ability to read a person's emotion like a story book, what that person is thinking, if the person is connected to reality...
It is frightening.... to me.. and my frenz.... I guess who would like a person who could probe into their feelings as though it was glass box?

Haiz.... Depression setting in... I'm now eating this strange white pill to supress my emotions... Why do I like my class so much?... Its because... their feelings are rarely fake.. unlike many others from the other classes...

But.. back to my strange ability.... Its causing me my friendship... Its causing me my sanity... and.... its breaking my heart too....
Redicule, laughter, mockery.... why do I see it so often... and... why do people's eyes show distaste at the people that they are so close to?....
My eyes see through people... thats why my parents are so afraid of me looking into their eyes directly... thats why I got the place as chairperson... and... thats why exs break up with me....

Sobz.... I cant help telling people that I know what they are thinking... and I guess it scares them as much as it scares me.... I get so happy when a person beams at me from his or her heart... but... when a person tries to supress his or her emotions because he does not want to hurt me... I just feel lonelier then ever before...

The chinese have a saying "The eyes are the windows to a person's heart"... and... i guess its true in my case... as i have to look directly into the person's eyes to feel their emotions...

Yes... i admit... I do like Timothy.... but I am trying... very very very hard to change it into brotherhood....... because I know he will never condone to my actions... Its so hard to face the world... and yet... I dont want to lose it....

My heart reels in pain over and over again... as I look into people's minds.... people tell me that the world is a beautiful place...
I try to believe it.... but sometimes... the evidence is not there....

I look through the world through the eyes of a person who has experianced every emotion that there is to experiance... Who have spat at the face of fate... and stepped on the thread of life over and over again.. barely breaking it...
Look through my eyes... who is able to withstand my conflux of emotions and memories that corses through my body....

If you're reading this blog timothy.... I promise I will try my best to treat you like a brother from now on... the problem is... i dunno how to treat a person like my brother...
I guess I shouldnt have told you certain things that you did not like to hear....

Pain.... my heart aches as I try to tear away emotions that cling to it... it is so pain.... sobz....

My DTP cover 

Timothy~! He looks unbelievably aristocratic in this picture....  

A friend... in need... is a friend indeed?...

The 3 major presentations are over... ICP, FoM and OC....

Really spent alot of time doing these projects... sigh... hope my effort will be worth it...

I really got closer with my group during these times when we were doing our projects..... Especially to Timothy who... really carried me through...

I guess I sometimes go a bit overboard sometimes... I never had a really really close friend before... and... sometimes I just get on his nerves... I can tell.. I'm so sorry...
I just feel that... I'm crushing him to much.... squeezing him until he cannot breathe at times...
He is just too nice...

Sometimes I can tell that he is really angry an frustrated with me... but he refuses to say... and.. that makes me really sad at sometimes.... I wish I could control my emotions better...

I know I'm not worth to be his friend... I'm just too useless to be his friend... I'm just happy that he treats me as his friend... I wish.. that I could be good enough sometimes...
He's... smart, nice, good looking, has alot of friends, happy family, close to God... He's everything that I wanted to be, and everything I hoped I could be... In short, he is the perfect example of somebody I wanted to be...

Haiz... and... he wants to change group... I polarize alot... but... he really impacted my life alot... I really dont want to let him go....
Sobz... I really would do almost anything to keep him as my best friend... but I cant restrain him...
I treat him closer then a brother, more then a counsellor...
and somehow.. nowadays I feel that he is starting to dislike me......

No matter what migh happen in the future... I will always try my best to treat him like a best friend should...
Timothy....

haiz......

Friends, forever...

Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

I can't believe the hopes He's granted

Means a chapter in your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long, to live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given

Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you live in I

s the strength that now you show

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong, yeah yeah

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to, live as friends

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

To live as friends, though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

No, a lifetime's not too long ,

to live as friends

Words and Music by M.W. Smith

How much you mean.. to me...

It's been a long and winding journey

But I'm finally here tonight

Picking up the pieces

Walking back into the light

To the sunset of your glory

Where my heart and future lies

There's nothing like that feeling

When I look into your eyes

My dreams came true

When I found you I found you

My miracle

If you could see what I see

You're the answer to my prayers

And if you can feel T

he tenderness I feel You would know

It would be clear

That angels brought me here
Standing here before you

Feels like I've been born again

Every breath is your love

Every heartbeat speaks your name
My dreams came true

Right here in front of you

My miracle

If you could see what I see

You're the answer to my prayers

If you could feel The tenderness I feel

You would know It would be clear

That angels brought me here

Brought me here to be with you

I'll be forever grateful (Oh forever grateful)

My dreams came true

When I found you

My miracle

If you could see what I see

You're the answer to my prayers

And if you could feel

The tenderness I feel

You would know

It would be clear

That angels brought me here (x 2)

I finally found a picture that I liked that look like a normal kid and has my style! hahazz... =D 

Friend, Counsellor, Brother.....

Its been such a long time since I last wrote my blog...
So many things are happening; datelines have to be kept... and emotions managed...

I havent really been myself lately...
The cheerful, bubbly and talketive Andrew seemed to have became a shadow of his former self....

This month has been a terrible month for me... I have not faced such a terrible month before, nor such streneous pressure... Its suffocating me... not allowing me to breathe, but allowing a small bubble of air to keep me alive under torment...

Haiz.. I used to be cheeful and optimistic.... but with so many terrible events happening... it is hard not to become pessimistic...

Even now, as I write this blog, I have not slept properly for about 5 days already... I look at myself and realize that I havent been taking care of my health too... But no choice... Results comes first..

My group has finally completed our ICP project... it is going to take some time for me and timothy to recuperate before we can start on our next project...

I'm so thankful for Timothy... My closest friend and best confider... I dunno if I would be around if not for him... Over these 2 weeks I've been pouring out my sadness to him... and he took it and carried it as though it was his.... He helped me with my burden... and I belive, that is what Jesus would do too...
Our friendship strained too, as pressure and stress overtook my emotions... But he stood firm and comforted me when I was sad and listened to me when I was angry...
Though few people will ever be able to live the live that I lived, Timothy is one of the even rared few that tries to comprehend it...
Timothy.. if you're reading this blog... I just want to thank you for being my friend, no matter where we go in life, I will never forget.. You have a big part in whatever good my life is to the world...

I can give you more then a testimonial for our friendship... I will always treasure you as the Evengelist who shone God's light in the midst of my hopelessness and darkness...
Indeed, you are a shining example of God's love for mankind...

Remember you told me that you are not perfect? Remember this, when Jesus told Peter to feed his Sheep, He was not telling him that he was perfect...

May the light of the One who loves us so shine upon our friendship such that it will pull us through every difficulty and trials

Once again, thank you my friend, brother, counsellor and teacher, thank you - for being the answer to my prayer...

PokEmon!! Gotta CaTCh Em aLL!! 

Hmmmm... been a long time since I wrote a proper blog...
Its amazing how time can be so slow when you are sad and depressed...

Recently our group has been facing alot of turmoils...
People blocking other people on MSN...
Cold wars....
Plasticism...

Actually it seems rather wierd to go to such measures because of a small incident...
but... well... i duno...

DTP project was completed with a bang.... yupz.. literally a bang - I fell off the chair in the DTP Media and Comm Studio, again... yes
haha... but i guess Doris was quite pleased with our effort... but i think Jiawei's group will be the top I guess... Jiawei is a brilliant advertiser...

haha.. recently Timothy has been beraided by me....
lolz... Well... Listening to all my problems can be a burden to him also...
But he is a pretty good psychologist... ... or psychiatric =D

Squall squall squall... nah... not a good time to enter my life...
I'm already down with frequent mood swings and well... its not jus nice to be me...
Shattered... haha... nvm... I wont talk about this anymore...

I'm back to being Kyo

Hmm.... One of my closer church frenz is going to take over the entire youth worship team next year... and he is 16... somehow I feel uneasy for him... but no matter what, I will still back him up with my full force...

Campus Crusade has started mapping out and braingstorming their ideas for the Christmas Outreach... Its going ta be BIG BIG BIG.... and Timothy and me are part of the planning commitee... lolz.... another burden on our backs... haha..

Stress... Still got so many projects not done yet...
The thing thats stressing me most is ICP.... we've hardly even touched it yet....
hmmmmm........

Mood: Worried... Insommia (haha.. blame Coffee Bean)

To Squall.... if ever you read my blog...

To your sorrow, I will never return

To your anger, I was cheated

But, to your happiness, I am at peace

And to your faithfulness, I have never left

I cannot speak, but I can listen
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard

So as you stand upon the shore
Gazing at the beautiful sea, remember me
As you look in awe at a mighty forest
And its grand majesty, remember me

Remember me in your heart,
In your thoughts, and the memories of theTimes we loved,
the times we cried, the battles we fought and the times we laughed
For if you always think of me, I will have never gone...

=Kyo=

I tried remodifiying the picure.... hmm... not bad effect I can say so myself.... 

Nobody know what it is like to be me.... nobody

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ME...
nobody.. and I MEAN nobody...

To be torn apart between good and evil
To be seperated from love
and to have a past that never was in the first place...

Come on... I DARE anybody say they understand me... because NOBODY does.. NOBODY CAN... and NOBODY is unfortunate enough to go through what I went through...

I never had a childhood.....
I was brought up by a father who seemed like a distant high almighty emperer and a mother who seem to treat acadamics as greater importance then religion itself....

Brought up as the middle child....
Not having the power of the oldest child
Yet having to bare the responsibility of the youngest child
Not having the pampered lifestyle of the youngest child
Yet having to look at him getting the benefits of a spoilt brat...

My accomplishments are an empty bubble in a bid to find myself...;
Nobody thinks that they are of any worth...
Nobody thinks that I am of any worth...

I seeked the love a father can give...
and ended up going on the wrong track...
You tell me... He can heal everything...
BUT CAN HE GIMME BACK MY CHILDHOOD???

I want my childhood... i crave for it... i long for it...
but i know i will never get it back...

Everytime I see a beautiful family... I feel the pinch of envy...
Everytime I see a father hug a son... I feel the slash of hopelessness...

Why can some people have such a beautiful family... while others dont?
Why do some children have to suffer because of what their parents did?

I am not born with looks... i know....
I am not born with charisma... i know....
I am not born into a happy family... i know...

Why do I have to meet the person who had everything I wanted...
and why am I becoming everything I did not want to be?.......

My emotions kill me... my heart is dying slowly... my mind is aching....

... and my past is the torture chamber...

The torment I go through... is seeing happiness given by a family... knowing that I will never have such...

Can I only be who I want in my dreams?...
I wanna die... I really wanna die....

Its so unfair... Love, money, family, friends, looks, God.... How much more can a person ask? How much more perfect can a person be?

Dont you ever wish.... you were someone else?

...I do...

You're like an angel. As everyone knows, angels
dwell in heaven. They were desribed as shining
ones wearing white and the idea that they have
wings is believed as well. Guardian angels are
the ones that many people think are dead loved
ones who try to protect the living friends or
family they have on Earth. They usually had
blonde hair and maybe brown with flawless
appearance and sweet dispositions. They were
cheerful, hopefull, selfless, loving, and kind.
Angels are the one mystical creature that a
majority of people truly believe in. Encounters
with angels are poping up all over the world
and reassuring people's beliefs in angels. (If
you cannot see the picture, go to my userpage
and look near the bottom. There should be the
picture and description for all the results)


What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a "Green Angel". You're one person
who is extremely protective of people around
you (especially your friends) and you'd end up
as a gaurdian angel. You're stronger than most
and aren't ashamed to show it. People know how
tough you are and don't dare to mess with you
when you get mad. You're real close with your
friends and couldn't live wihout them so even
in heaven, you want to help them. You know
they'd want you as a gaudian angel and you'd
love to be able to ensure safety of your
friends for yourself because you're on of those
"If you want something done right, do it
yourself" kind of person. (If you cannot
see the picture, go to my homepage and scroll
down near the bottom. I have the results from
all my quizess that have pics)


What Color Angel Are You? (PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

Finally finished my OJ project 

For the Love of a Father...

There was a boy who never knew the love a father gives

Raised by his mum in anger for the man who left his kids.

The moment came in growing up,

when gates wwere open wide.

And the boy whose heart was wounded

walked to the other side.

His appetite for nurture,

to be given by a man

Had been left an empty vacuum

as he roamed about the land

He tried to stroke himself in closets,

hidden from the light.

but it never satisified him,

so he wondered into the night

Looking for the man who would make him feel complete,

he gave himself to do things that some would never speak

It always started with hope that his heart would heal

But each encounter broke him and left him ill.

Dying for affection which he wrongly sought in men,

he turned to others thinking they would understand

Instead they told him Sodom burned

for the things he had done.

"How could you hurt your family so?

You're such a sorry son''

Angered by the social pride that turns from darker things

The boy swore to desecrate the palaces of kings.

He bound himself in common course as he

who suffered long the anguish of public mockery

Parades were formed and marches were made

showing off their defiance

Hand in hand, in open view,

the stood in bold alliance

Supposeing they would win the day

and got what they wanted

They entered into loud debate

and publicly they pleaded

"Equal rights! We are deprived!

Treat us true and fair!

Your moral rules are meaningless

To them we do not care!"

The people, inflammed by fear

polarized their cause;

civil strife erupted throught

the breaking of God's laws.

What they had hoped would give them peace provoked a war

And a nation known for tolerance these things would now abhor

... and a boy who never knew the love of a father

Died a victim of a disease whom no one would bother

The answer to this problem lies within the heart of those

Who are filled with Christ's compession for the travellers who wrongly chose

We can heal their broken bodies

and restore their fallen hearts

If we'll only stop judging

by how they fell apart...

The little boy who never knew,

and yet became a man...

Can feel the love of Chrst in you if you would hold his hand...

Help him recover from the darkness of his fall -

For the love of God gives freedom unto all who will call...

Andrew

Kyo_17

KoF Rugal Bernstein when he was a good guy.... sigh.. dunno why he must become bad... 

Tidus - He is pronounced as TEE - ders